Fighting an Indian War is Tedious for You and Me. We Need a Break (Continued)

We are back at the Metropolitan Hotel in St. Paul with Chief Scout Toby Ryker, who is on furlough from the Dakota Conflict authorized by his commander, Henry Sibley. He and his Swedish girly friend, Big Faye Knutsen are cavorting about in her bedchamber. Ryker is about to tell her a joke he heard in camp.

"And speaking of dumbbells, did you hear the story about Hans and Hannah's wedding?"
"Oh, I suppose," she said, drawing a deep breath. "Another Hans and Hannah joke? You do need to get more material."
"Oh, maybe someday," Ryker said.
"Okay, I'm listening."
"Well, Hans marries Hannah, see, and the two start off in the buggy on their honeymoon. They got married in Glueck, out west by Montevideo, and were going to spend their honeymoon in Granite Falls, but by the time they got half way there, Hans was so danged smitten with passion over Hannah's beauty that he pulled the buggy off the trail and started kissing her all over. Well, after a while, Hannah, she gets passionate, too. She starts wheezing, and breathing heavy, and squirming around, and then she farts a couple times, you know, just like you do to signal when you're really excited, and she says, 'Uff-da, Hans, she says, "you shure do-on't have tah stop.' So Hans, he says, 'Yes, my dearest," and clucks to the horse and drives the buggy clear into Granite Falls." Ryker paused and looked at Big Faye, who looked back at him with a blank expression on her face.
"Yeah? So?"
"So, that's it," Ryker replied. "That's the joke."
"That's it?"
"Yeah."
"Well, what's so danged funny about that?"
"You see, Faye, when Hannah told Hans he didn't have to stop, She meant he didn't have to just kiss her, but he could go all the way and let the stallion out of the corral and put the blocks to her. But Hans, he thought she was talkin' about the horse." Ryker chuckled as he said it.
"What about the horse?" Faye said.
"Huh?"
"What about the horse then? Why would Hans think Hannah was talking about the horse?"
"Because he stopped the horse before he started kissin' Hannah, that's why."
"Oh." Faye thought a moment. "Oh, I get it! Hans thought Hannah meant he shouldn't have stopped the horse!"
"Yup, you got it, Faye."
"But if he hadn't stopped the horse, how could he start kissing Hannah? With all that bouncing around, the buggy would have tipped over."
"Well..."
"Or, if he hadn't stopped the horse, he would have to put the reins down when he went to kiss Lena..."
"Faye."
"...and the horse would have run away."
"Faye."
"That would have been just awful."
"Close your pretty mouth, Faye. It's a joke, that's all. Don't bust your brain trying to figure it out."
"Well, okay, but it's kind of a stupid joke, if you should ask me."
"That's what I love about you, Faye. You're so danged dense."
"Aw..." Faye snuggled up to him, "that's what I love about you too, my lard-ass soldier boy. Come over here to mama and give me some loving."
He kissed her. "Do you want to do the dance of love?"
"No, I want you to put the blocks to me, like Lena wanted Ole to do."
"You sure have a way with words, Faye."
"I know. It's a Swedish thing."
(Author's note: Faye was so used to hearing Ole and Lena jokes that she confused the names with Hans and Hannah. This explanation sits better with me than to admit I confused the names. Anyway, Faye can handle it. She's got broad shoulders.)

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